One of the most important but potentially most unrecognized determinants of the quality and level of success a person experiences in their life is the way we respond to a thing called “pain”. This article will aim to define pain, explore pain and allow you to understand how the way we respond to it ultimately affects our lives.
Firstly, what is pain? Pain for our purposes is any level of mental, physical or emotional discomfort that we experience in our day to day living. It doesn’t have to physical hurt, it can be very subtle and can take many forms. For example if someone told you you had to wake up at 4am every morning for the next month you would probably agree that this would become ‘painful’ as you would be overtired, lacking in energy etc etc. Again pain is ANY level of ANY type of discomfort that you might feel.
Now, as human beings we are programmed genetically to want to move towards pleasure and AVOID pain in our lives wherever possible. Our whole lives are lived out in this process… Why did you go to work today? Because on some level you knew that if you didn’t go to work there would be pain (you would have no money, you would get fired, whatever it was. Note there was probably pleasure involved too and together the two opposite forces influenced your behaviour).
This is a valuable mechanism because it ensures our survival. In the caveman times we saw a lion and realized it could mean dramatic pain so we ran like hell, probably in the direction of a cave woman or something we thought would mean some pleasure. And so we were conditioned.
Today, while the stakes aren’t as high (unless you live somewhere with lions), we exhibit the same behaviour. Here’s a simple example:
You set yourself a goal and you start out determined to achieve it. Inevitably you encounter setbacks. Small things start to frustrate you and you find it more difficult to keep doing the things necessary to make this goal a reality. In short you start to experience pain. Your frustration turns to anger and you come to a point where you question whether what you want is really worth all this PAIN…
Then BOOM, you’re caveman conditioning takes over, often without you even noticing it. You realize that if this situation, (pursuing this goal) equals pain, then you gotta get rid of that pain. So you either give up and change your goal (or don’t even bother to make another one because the whole process was too painful) or your mind sneakily tricks you into thinking that this isn’t what you should be doing and eventually… give up.
Just to reiterate, we quite often don’t CHOOSE this behaviour, its physically coded into our DNA… it just HAPPENS.
The way we respond to situations that are painful or uncomfortable determines the quality of our lives. Here’s another more subtle example:
I usually work until early hours of the morning, 2, 3, 4am. Often late at night I start getting tired. My eyes droop a bit and it gets harder to concentrate. I start to experience a bit of pain. My mind starts saying “Come on, you’re tired, this is painful, just go to bed!”, or “You’ve done enough today, you’re already ahead of schedule, it’ll be ok to sleep a bit now” or “You can sleep early now then make up for it tomorrow”. Right now I have two choices:
I can react with my caveman instinct and avoid that pain. I can get into bed and satisfy my genetic urges. Resultantly I am less productive, it takes me longer to achieve my goals, and over time my whole life is different.
OR I can do what most people have never experienced and that is to DENY MY INNATE NATURE, go against my conditioning, and ignore my urges. Of course what happens is I decide to keep working, training, negotiating, running, meditating, talking, eating, avoiding eating… See how this applies to ANY action you might commit to or want to do? As a result of this decision my whole life changes for the better. Not only do you become more productive, get more done, achieve better results but you feel completely empowered, disciplined, totally in control. It’s a great feeling! Trouble is to make that decision is far easier said than done.
So how can we change the way react to pain in order to improve the quality of our lives? Here are some ideas:
1. You need to make the distinction that the way you react to pain and discomfort is a habit. It is a way you have trained yourself to react over years of doing it that way. This does mean it can be hard to break but it also means it CAN be broken. What you have to do is start making new habits. Start to become sensitive to the times you avoid pain. If you aren’t bad at the whole self discipline thing, you can start by reacting differently when small bits of pain occur. Make it a challenge to yourself. For example you hear your alarm clock go off in the morning, you feel a bit of pain but you jump out of bed instead of hitting the snooze alarm. Start with small victories then keep building. Eventually you will develop the HABIT of reacting with action each time you feel uncomfortable, you will react that way without even thinking! The way your life could change as a result of just this small change is incredible.
2. Understand that pain is a state of mind. Pain is not real. Pain, in any form is not real, it’s literally all in your mind. That means if you can change your emotional state when you are experiencing pain you can produce a different behaviour. Take my tiredness example above for example. Sometimes when my self discipline isn’t enough I’ll do something that changes my state. I’ll do something I wouldn’t do in a tired state. I’ll go running around the house, jumping up and down, acting crazy. In a short time I’ll feel totally different and be able to keep working.
3. Get pleasure from pain! I recently read the biography of Lance Armstrong (check it out in the biography reviews section if you haven’t already). He explained how much pain was involved in cycling in a Tour De France and how you would hurt every second of the race until the finish but you just kept going. He told about how a reporter asked him what pleasure he got out of riding to which he replied “Pleasure?” very confused, “I don’t ride for pleasure, I ride for pain!”. Lance had learned that in that dramatic state of pain he experienced a new level of existence, he could view the problems of his life in a different way and he became free of worry, anxiety and stress. Be excited to be fighting pain, be proud that you are being strong and disciplined!
We all know that pain and the way we react to it shapes not only our lives but the people who we become. We know that hardships are stepping stones to greatness. Taking action in the face of pain on a continual basis can be one of the most empowering characteristics you can develop. If you can develop this skill nothing will hold you back, no adversity will stunt your progress, in fact each challenging experience will elevate you to higher heights.
Take pain, fight pain, love pain.
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